The Cork Road

PRE-foreword.

This is a story given to me by Jesus. He has been urging me to consider sharing it all of this year, 2018. It’s been a struggle to do so. I don’t *have* too. However Daddy asks me to help others. It’s my calling. To heal in various ways. I have been set apart to do uncommon things. Today is November 4, 2018. At 4 p.m. I started this post. The number 4 in the Bible is letting in light, being creative. So here I go. And yes, it’s scary. But Jesus promises me more awesome things, if I will but step out.  

This story is for me. It has lessons in it for me. You may also get lessons from it, different from what I get, maybe the same. It starts out not as a story, but as me going to ‘the table’ to talk with Jesus. You will understand as you read further along on this page. It becomes a story. The story itself is called The Cork Road. It may jump around, it may not follow all details, but see, it’s not a story for you, it’s for me. So I can be healed of things and so I can learn things. 

Some of the lessons come from the story, some are brought up later when I re-read it. Some lessons are in the story itself. I’m not sure yet if I will include the separate lessons or not. I kinda think I will, because they are a part of the story of me. The story goes to the middle of age 8 so far. 

I apologize beforehand if something is wrong. Like not spelling out a number under 10, or some thought is jumbled, or I cap words for emphasis instead of italicize them. I’m doing my best and it will have to be good enough. It comes to over 50k words with everything in it, to this point.

Foreword:

Each person, each human being is made up of all the parts of our lives. We are born babies and we grow. Every day, a child has things happen to them. Good and bad. If we do not have parents or caregivers, that are adults themselves – then we learn things that are not right. We learn things like anger and sarcasm.

We learn how to be a human being by those that are around us or over us. There is a significant portion of the world’s population, especially those in the USA, that did not have great role models. While no one is perfect, the parent we may have had, might have had issues they never dealt with, or perhaps they just weren’t around or didn’t care to operate as a parent. 

It is one of the goals of Jesus to heal spiritually, emotionally, and physically, all of the ages that make up a person. Jesus wants us every BIT whole. 

Jesus wants each one of us to sit with him so he can give us a story. He will heal each one of our parts. If they are wounded he will heal, if we need teaching, he will teach, if we need love, he will love on us. Whatever it is we need, we can get it from Jesus. However some times, he gives us other people and other avenues to get us healed. 

One of those avenues for me, was inner healing and deliverance counselors. Personally, I have seen these types of counselors and Holy Spirit has done some deep and awesome work in and with me.  

The Holy Spirit heals our wounded parts, and then he gets the demons off of the little one – no longer a wounded part – and gets them out of us. It is a work done through Holy Spirit.

When things happen to us, it creates a wounded part. That wounded part separates itself from the identity of the core person, however it is still a part of the person. What happens is that part that was hurt, in whatever way, isolates themself from the core personality. It’s like that wounded part is a person. They have feelings, usually negative ones, they can think, they can act out. They have emotions. Usually negative, angry emotions, because of whatever happened to them was a negative thing. 

When they break off a person, they stay at the age they broke off at. They never grow up. They never get older. They remain at the age they were when they became wounded.

They broke off the person at x age, in order to deal with the trauma. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen to a lot of people.

What they do is help the core personality, [that’s me, or you], in the best way they know how. However, they have extreme tunnel vision. All they know is the trauma and the resulting negative feelings and thoughts that they got from that trauma. They usually don’t trust people. They act out when they are hurt or when the core person is hurt, or they perceive the person is hurt. Because of these wounded parts, it’s so terribly difficult for the person to grow up emotionally and mentally sometimes. 

When they are not healed, they remain a wounded part. Some people call them alternative personalities, aka alters. But when I first started going to my Inner Healing and Deliverance couple, they called them wounded parts. I AM SO GLAD they did. If they had called them alters, I would have been out of there in a hurry. That would have meant to me, I was crazy. Demon possessed. There is no truth to that, as I am and was then, a born again Christian, but our minds play tricks on us [really meaning, the demon that is attached to that wounded part] can make us think things that are not real, not truth, when our minds, emotions and spirits are not renewed and healed.

Some call them ‘fragments’. For me, the most accurate and the most revealing, is calling them wounded parts. There is no one that wants to be called a ‘fragment’. To me, a ‘fragment’ isn’t a full person and the wounded part is a full person. 

These wounded parts are VERY real. They are a part of us. They don’t want to be called a fragment or an alternative personality. They want to be loved and treated with respect. 

When the person becomes an adult, they have all these wounded parts inside them.

I’m going to use myself as an example. When I was small, my grandfather and some of his friends had their way with me. Each time this happened, it created a wounded part. As well, every time it happened a demon had a legal right to attach itself to that wounded part.

So, if I was molested at 3 p.m., then that would be one wounded part. If I was traumatized at 3:15, that would be another wounded part. 

Some people have learned to hide them a lot better than other people. Some do this by being super controlling, never letting their emotions out. Hiding behind a veil of always knowing what to do, always being in control. Others think they are hiding these wounded parts by being the life of the party, by acting up, but they are really acting out and many people can see something must have happened to a person because they are so angry, so quick tempered, so _____whatever, you fill in the blank. Others can’t see that a person needs help, all they see is a person they don’t like for whatever reason. 

For much of my life, my wounded parts were visible to everybody else but me. I thought I was just “that way”, and I needed to learn how to cover it up, I needed to learn how to be different. I knew I was angry, but no matter what I did to try to change myself, it never worked for long. Someone I knew for several years said she prayed about me when we first met, asking the Lord about me/how I spoke and acted. The Lord told her I had no filters. Precisely. Made perfect sense to me when she told me a decade later. 

When we have wounded parts, we hear things in our heads. We aren’t good enough, we aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, slim enough, we talk too much, we ask too many questions, we are this that and the other thing. It usually gets reinforced by the ‘care’givers we are around and by others. Why not just kill myself? It is a MISERABLE place to be.

So what I learned way back when I was going to a Christian psychologist, is that I needed new tapes in my head. But I had NO IDEA how to get them there. I didn’t know what to tell myself. Everything I heard wasn’t good stuff. And besides, wasn’t that a lie if you have to brainwash yourself? [now I know it to be called renewing your mind]

She gave me some ideas to put on the tapes. But not nearly enough. What I heard in my head was not good. My ‘self talk’ sucked. So I found different people that knew how to think about different things and I have been incorporating those things into my head, for years. Running new tapes.  Example, ‘everything will work out’. That’s my latest one. I repeat it until it’s remembered in my head and at some point, it will be engraved there. I give myself a new tape to run in my head. I get that you, the reader, may not understand what I am saying, but there are lots more reading this, that will. [which is why I’m spilling my guts for all to see]

My earthly father taught me some, the mother I had taught me none. I had no one to teach me how to perceive myself and the world around me. That’s a big deal. I was essentially given birth and then left to my own devices to learn anything. Anything meaningful about life and how to react and such. How to sit like a lady, how to speak, how to respond, how to -or if or when- to control my emotions. 

Sure I can track an animal, I can fish and clean that fish, shoot a gun and clean the gun and I’m a fabulous cook. But the finer points on how to be a lady, how to sew/knit/crochet…eh.

That said, one thing is true the world over. What we don’t know is “wrong” as children, we learn is wrong through body language and words. No matter the age.

My grandmother, with whom I lived sporadically in my young life, taught me some things. But it was all outward things. Like putting your things away. It was my grandmother that had the patience of God. I can point to whom I received that from!

Jesus is now showing me, it’s not so much about unlearning, as about learning the right things and the right way. [feel like I should put a ‘tweet that’ here, but it ain’t gonna happen]

When our wounded parts accept Jesus, they become little ones. Jesus heals them. Either in the setting of being with the ministers/counselors, or being with him. I’ve had a lot of healing thru the ministers. But now, with this story, I’m with Jesus. He is my father AND my mother. 

I am a seer. I have always been a seer. All my life. I’ve had person after person tell me I’m prophetic, I’m a seer, I will impart to others, I will bring joy, exhortation, encouragement, consternation, challenge, inspiration. That I am an intercessor, a prophetic intercessor, a woman that doesn’t style her life by the populace of this day, but breaks new ground. A seer a seer a seer. 

So while reading “The Seer’s Path” by Ana Werner, she said everyone can have visions, we just need to practice. Now I had always thought God had to give me the visions. What in the world was she talking about?

She’s talking about how everyone can see certain things. Though not everyone is anointed as a seer, everyone can see. Because Jesus is in the spiritual world, and we born again christians are spiritual beings, we can see in the spiritual world. So this is what she’s talking about. Everyone can see in the spiritual world, we have to train our eyes to see. [just like the bible says everyone can prophesy, but not everyone is called to be a prophet]

I did not know that I could enter into visions with Jesus at anytime! There is an exercise in the book where Ana tells us to practice going to a table with Jesus. So I did. 

Amazed. I was flat-out amazed. The Lord showed me that he had healing for me and all my little ones. He called them my ‘little ones’. Big deal there, which I didn’t discover til later in one of the lessons. That means they are no longer wounded. Some are still angry, scared even, but they are no longer wounded. They have all accepted Jesus as their Savior at this point in time. Jesus began to teach me. He began to take me on visions. He told me he wanted me to do this every day. 

This was in December of 2017 that this started. I did not do it every day, and in February I got the flu. By the beginning of March I was doing it every day.

Jesus asked me if I wanted to hear a story. I said yes. Every day from March to June/July I have spent hours with the Lord, in a vision, writing this story, learning these lessons. 

When the Lord and I are talking, no matter the age, the vocabulary I have now, is used when necessary. Not always though. You will see this as you read, as the younger ones don’t know the meaning of some words used.

When Jesus, as my Father is talking to all the parts, he uses my given name Janine. Otherwise he calls me terms of endearment or my childhood nickname.

He is my Daddy and my Mama. When I praise him, I call him Lord. That encompasses both God and Jesus.

When the little ones do not know him as Daddy, they call him whatever they are comfortable with.

The story is very raw and personal in places. I will include everything. Feel free to skip or skim. 

I don’t have comments open. If you want a facebook group to ask questions or comment, email me and I’ll start one. jamajo7 at gmail etc.

All of the days are dated or numbered in some way. I will put each day on it’s own page within this category.   

So with a wildly beating heart and my stomach in knots, LET US BEGIN.