How She Thinks

Parallel Universes

The Lord and I are having ‘sessions’ these days. This is where he and one of my no-longer-wounded-usually parts, talk and he teaches her. Most of the time they don’t know Jesus. It’s been a wild ride Mr. Toad. In these, Jesus is my Daddy. He’s not ‘God’, he’s my Daddy. He is giving me a story, called The Cork Road and he’s giving me lessons in and outside the story. Since no one taught me anything growing up, he is teaching all of us now. One age at a time. 

Yesterday morning, 7/11/18, he was telling…let me back up a bit. I am now at 8 yrs old. We’ve been thru the other ages. Eight has proven to be extremely traumatic. I have also been at this age longer than the other ages. Eight is when everything culminated. Abandonment, neglect, all those things. I won’t bore you.

In these times with Daddy, I ask questions. There is a backstory to all this, of course, but I’m not going there now. Yesterday I was asking what worship is and if it’s better to pray out loud or in my head? 

He said, “You can pray in your head. Anytime. But if you’re talking to the devil, since you have a voice, you need to use it out loud. The only way you can speak to him, is out loud. If you have a voice. If you don’t have a voice, if you are deaf, then you sign it.

Claiming my promises? Out loud. If you have a voice, it is best to do it out loud for the promises and binding and such. If you are praying in tongues? You can do that in your head or out loud, you can pray in your head or out loud.”

“THANK YOU JESUS!”

“My pleasure my girl.”

The next bit was on worship. It’s long and I won’t put it here. It’s really interesting though. He had me look up definitions and tell him what they said and what I thought they meant. So at the end of it, I asked, ‘so Daddy, what is worship?’

“What do you think it is baby girl?”

“Well Daddy, from what I read, I think worship is studying your word like we just said. And I think it’s loving on you. Telling you how wonderful you are and great you are and all that. And also being obedient. And being aware of you. That’s really hard, to be aware of you all the time. Do you know that?”

“Yes baby, I do.”

“I think worship is being mindful of you in my life and acting on that instead of..whoa! Wait a minute God! If that’s the case, then if I say something from your word, or positive, but really, from your word – when something bad happens? Then that means I’m worshiping you, right?”

“Yes baby. You have a very good mind Janine. You are a very intelligent young lady.”

[he calls me Janine when he’s talking to ALL of us] {{I get this might be weird for you, but just flow with it}}.

He called me a young lady! I’m smiling all over the place and I sat up straight.

So that was yesterday morning. Last nite/wee hours of this morning, I have a huge recollection of something. I realize that what I thought before, was me thinking thru my feelings. This remembrance gave me clarity thru my mind, not my feelings. There is a difference. With feelings, you only think it was that way, or you feel it was that way, when it may not have been. It’s kinda like perception – thru feelings. I’m pretty sure you, the reader ‘gets it’.

But this memory recollection, took me down the path of remembering a WHOLE LOT more and realizing, my memories from my feelings WERE accurate and I saw just how accurate they were.

I was sobbing. Absolutely sobbing. I was floored that not only were my feelings accurate, there was so much more and it was all accurate. I KNEW I needed to respond well from the lesson that morning.

Because I was in the middle of all these feelings, there are only so many scriptures that will come up in my memory. I was also eight years old during some of this, as well as the current age.

I gave the only scriptures I knew. I am the apple of his eye. He loves me with an unfailing love. I am the apple of his eye.

I KNEW from what he told me earlier that I needed to speak positive things from his word. Not just ‘positive things’, but from his word. And I knew I had to forgive. I did. I forgave everything of this person [my mother] that I could think of.

Today I see a deeper truth. It’s like we are all in parallel universes. If we response from our flesh, our anger, that is the devil side. If we respond with the word of God, that is the God side. IF we respond to ANYTHING in our flesh, we will walk in that universe and reap the results. If we respond from the God side, we will walk in that universe and things will be different.

I was on the precipice last nite. However as an 8 yr old, I’m more inclined to do things how Daddy says, because I’m not all tainted with the flesh yet. I spoke the word in both ages. I forgave and today…toDAY, I am slightly in shock. But if I had responded thru the flesh, I would be numb.

We all walk in parallel universes. We can choose which outcome we want in our lives. 

Do You Think It’s Gone?

Do you think it’s gone? Do you think because you are this age, that your childhood is gone and you can’t get it back? Do you say to yourself or God, “I can’t re-do it! I can’t get it back. what do I do”? Do you think you are lost or too far gone in any way? PLEASE stop thinking that way. Try to stop thinking that way. Try for yourself. If you follow Jesus , there is nothing further from the truth.

I know this because for the past 3-4 months, Jesus/God has been teaching my little ones. I better explain that. We are all made up of the ages we grew up through. And, if something bad happened to you at a certain age, that will create what is called a “wounded part”.  This wounded part has it’s own personality, it’s own anger, it’s own fear, it’s own attitude. Usually these wounded parts are trying to help the core person in some way, in ways they think are appropriate. But rarely is it appropriate. 

Some people call them alternate personalities, but that’s a scary term to my little ones. Besides they weren’t ‘alternate personalities’ because they never shut down reality for my core person and acted on their own. So, they are wounded parts. They are wounded little ones. [Others call them fragments, but mine are all people and they are real, they are not a fragment. That’s me, you can call them whatever your heart wants too]. I had a lot of wounded parts. I went through inner healing and deliverance for 9 or 10 yrs. I’ll probably write a book on it one day. 😉 

Some of my back story sucks. Let me say this and I think you’ll understand. My parents had one child, my sister. My mother wanted another child. It was me. But all she wanted was another child. She didn’t want to raise it. So she didn’t. My dad taught me some stuff, different times when she would send me away to live with him or my grandmother. Needless to say – I didn’t learn the things kids with one or two caring adults in their lives learn. I didn’t really ‘raise myself’, cause I didn’t know anything. This has made my life exceedingly difficult to get through. I managed in some areas, others have been sorely lacking. 

I read Ana Werner’s book, “The Seer’s Path. In it she has us do an exercise to start seeing in the spirit. I’m already a seer, so that wasn’t hard. However, when I started this, I met with Jesus and He told me ‘this is going to take a while, are you willing to sit with me and do this’? I said yes. LITTLE knowing what it would entail.

So what is Jesus doing?

He’s taking me through each age and healing and teaching. DON”T THINK something can’t be undone!! IT CAN BE. Thru Jesus. I am now at 7 years old. I just transferred to 7 from 6 last week, March, 23, 2018 to be exact. That’s also when I learned, as a 6-7 yr old, that God is real, He’s not a figment of my imagination. I do hear Him and He really, really loves me. I know He loves me because He’s listening to me. He’s answering my questions, He never once has told me to shut up, or stop talking or stop asking questions. That’s love. 

Always happy girl

He has taught me so many things already. Some of them He’s taught by words and some by, the only way to say it, is osmosis. He’s teaching me things underneath the words and lessons. I know this, because I am acting and speaking differently than before. As an adult.

I want to encourage you to never think your past is done and can’t be undone. It CAN be undone with and through Jesus. There are stories Jesus wants to write with others. You may be one. Those who have had a bad childhood, no matter whose fault it was, no matter the reasons why. It could have been just a short space of time or a long space of time. Since 99% of people come from a dysfunctional home, I would guess you had something rough in your life. Jesus wants to sit with you and He wants you to come to Him and take the time to listen and write your story. It will take time. He wants to be with me every day, to tell the story. This is besides prayer time. When I am in this stage, I actually regress to that age and sound like a kid. 

I will start posting installments of the story. Now mind you. I have this blog because God told me to put my personal journal online, that it will help others. So when I post the installments, some of them are just lessons, a part of the story. Yep, I’m gonna let you in on all the ‘stuff’. I will put it under the category of The Cork Road. Because that’s what Jesus calls the story, The Cork Road.

I promise you, if you take the time to sit and be still with the Lord, to envision yourself with Jesus at a table [what does the table look like? what do you see around you?], to talk with Him, to spend time with Him and I’m talking time, not 5 or 10 minutes, but 30 or more; He will give you a story. He will heal your little ones. It just takes one step and it has to start with you.