How She Thinks

Father, Do I Haveta Put These On…

Father, do I haveta put these on…

God, yes, why do you even ask?

Because they are SO PERSONAL GOD!!

Didn’t I ask you to be poured out this way?

Yes, but that was before, when it didn’t matter so much to me, that i was an open book and now I’m older and I don’t want to be so open. I really don’t want too. I really don’t want too.

God, ‘so what? Would you have me tell you to stop? Janine, you know how many people have stumbled across your site over the years. You know the pages have helped people and yes, there are those that have stolen what you have said and put it on their site. Yes, I will deal with them.

Neveryoumind about what you feel. Neveryoumind. Oh my daughter! YES I love thee, YES I cherish you, you KNOW that, but my people…Janine haven’t you been asking me for a vision of what I would do for the people of the Lord’?

Me, knowing what is coming…’yes Lord’. 

God, ‘this is it. If YOU won’t tell them, who will? I have done MUCH work in you Janine and there is much more to be done.

Me, thanks God [sarcasm]

God, See?? You took the negative, what you thought was negative. You betrayed your self in the thinking. Why didn’t you focus on the positive?

Me, because YOU ended it with the negative??

God, true, for a lesson.

Me, thank you God. [no sarcasm]

God, back to the lesson at hand.

Yes Father.

God, just do it baby girl. I know you don’t like this. I KNOW. I am so pleased you ARE doing it. Take off the thm stuff.

Me, yes Father.

God, this is about you and me. Not you, the world and me, but you and me. 

Yes, Lord. Father, I feel like I’m spilling my guts for all to see. It’s bad enough that I have felt certain ways and been and are ways. It’s bad enough that I’ve struggled for SO LONG with all this, and yes, people have seen it, but not EVERYONE LORD!

God, you’re concerned with judgements.

Yes Lord.

What did I already tell you?

Me, Basically, too bad.

God, Janine, you know I didn’t put it that way. Honey, there will always be people who judge. All you can do is follow me, follow hard after me and do what I tell you to do. Right?

Me, hanging my head, ‘yes Lord’.

God, where’s that smile?

Me, smiled, not a sincere smile.

God, you can do better than that. Where’s that smile?

Me, smiling. ‘I STILL don’t want to put all this out there.

God, ‘why not? leave out the above reasons, why not?

Me, because this is the stuff people hide. It’s the stuff that should be weeded out already, it’s the stuff that is so personal that when people see it, they think less of the person.

God, So that’s it. You don’t want people to think less of you.

Father, yes, I don’t want them too.

But baby girl, don’t you SEE? Everyone feels these ways at different times. All I want you to do is show them it’s normal and to know that I take care of them if they press into me. If they hunger and thirst after righteousness. Don’t you WANT to be poured out for me???

Me, gads God, when you put it THAT way! This is part of the stepping out?

God, yes, in a way.

Me, what do you mean, ‘in a way’?

G I have already told you to do this. Years ago. I expect you to continue until I release you from it. If I do. So this isn’t as much as ‘stepping out’ because you’ve already been doing it. It’s stepping through your fears, your self judgement and setting others free through your obedience.

Me, thank you Father for the explanation. Help me get to the place where I’m happy to do this.

G, I will my girl. I will.

Update 2 hours later: Me, so what it is, is it doesn’t matter how I feel, it matters how other people feel and how much enlightenment they get through me showing my pain and learning.

G, yep. And don’t you worry about it my girl. I am your father and I will protect you and I will never let you down. I love you with everything in me. I love you. You are my cherished daughter, just like you pray every morning. You. Are. My. Cherished. Daughter.