February 2018 – How She Thinks

Violated Veteran

Posted on February 16, 2018March 16, 2018 by Janine

2-16-18 I realize I feel violated.

Around 2015 I met with Sherry Mercier, talking about the American Legion. She lost her leg because of bone cancer. She told me about Ft. McClellan being toxic. We were talking bones and I told her about a doctor I had who was alarmed at the degree of osteoporosis I had/have. She said there was probably a correlation. But I didn’t pursue it. WHY? Because I’m not a blamer.

I and others in my prayer group have prayed about my bones, to grow, for 15 yrs. They seem to be dissolving, especially in my jaw. I have gone for prayer to Texas, every where asking for prayer for my bones to grow in. I know God heals. I’ve been a recipient of that healing power many times. However, I haven’t seen anything happening and it’s been so long.

At the end of Jan. 2018, I fasted about this for 3 days. I received no direction, no information. I received a lot of other revelation, but nothing about this. So last night, 2-15-18, running my tongue over one of the two implants in the lower jaw, I became alarmed. I have done my best to fight fear. To not think of bad things, to not fear but have faith. I have faith.

So a thought came to me to look up Ft. McClellan. I did. I was there for basic training July to August 1973. The ‘do you have a basis to file a claim’ site, does not list severe osteoporosis as one of their ailments, but they also say they don’t know all the ailments that would happen.

Basic training graduation 1973 Ft. McClellan Me, 2nd row down from top, right side, 3rd one in. In this photo, Janelle Baert, Donna Wilson, Sadler, Lynn Wonder, Mary Margaret Strauss, Carol Vail, Sharon Zanowich, Banks, DS Ruff [drill doggie Cha Cha], DS Bailey, Cpl Brewster, Lt __, Capt ___, & others I can’t remember their names

Well, one of the questions I’ve always had, was, ‘did I do this to myself through not eating right? Did I do this to myself through something I did or didn’t do’? At least that has been answered. I did not.

The song ‘Hallelujah’ is on in the background. I am stunned. Tears course down my cheeks. I know God knows me and loves me. I know He joys over me with singing. I know He delights in me. I know He’s aware of what is going on.

The one thing no one wants, is to live life maimed and/or in pain.

There has been a bill before Congress since 2015 to get a health registry going for those that were at Ft. McClellan between 1935 and 1999. It has been renewed every year and is now before Congress with this number: H.R. 3666 – 115th Congress (2017-2018).

This, article from 2014, < link – explains it well.

I feel violated. Monsanto is the culprit here, along with the United States Military for trying to hide this and denying claims.

I knew I was signing up to defend my country. I did not think my country would be the one to hurt me and then cover it up.

Later I will come out fighting. But today, sitting here stunned, I cry.

I leave you with the tune from Don Quixote, most of the lyrics by me.

To dream the impossible dream
To right the unrightable wrong
We had basic at Ft. McClellan
We trained and sang marching songs

This was our quest
To fight for our land
No matter how hopeless
Together we’d stand

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For our country’s cause

And we thought, if we’d only be true
To this glorious quest
That our hearts would lie peaceful and calm
When we’re laid to our rest

But we found, we’re betrayed by our own.
We are scorned and denied benefits
Now we strive to have health and live life
Pass the bill, there’s enough evidence!

Fire On The Altar

Posted on February 4, 2018 by Janine

2-4-18 3 a.m.

I am CONVICTED of my selfishness and self-absorption.

God told me to ‘use and sell flower essences’. He told me to write a book on it for people to understand it. God said ‘it’s mine and I want it back’. And I’ve been making it about me. MY fears, MY concerns, how I will look if I am wrong in the book.

God love me, I’ve rolled my eyes – more than once.

I am APPALLED at my behaviors and reactions. Thank God for His mercy and grace and PATIENCE.

This is SO not about me. It’s not about me. It’s about God. It’s about what HE wants. It’s not about whether or not I think He’s crazy for asking ME to do this. Just who do I think I am, telling God He should pick someone else? Who am I to not joyfully embrace what He told me to do? WHO AM I to think I know more or better than God? That is my biggest failing. Oh God, forgive me.

I am so…ashamed is the best word…of how I’ve acted with this and that I – who most will tell you is the least selfish person they know – I have taken pride in that. Oh God, forgive me. It doesn’t matter about others, what they think or don’t think. What matters is You and what you think and what You want.

I can not _believe_ how selfish I am! Look what the Moravians did. God, forgive me, forgive me. I repent.

I am reading “Fire On The Altar” by Frank “JJ” Di Pietro and J. D. King. What an AMAZING recount of the Moravians, John Wesley and others.

Forgiveness And Hurt – How To Deal

Posted on February 3, 2018March 16, 2018 by Janine

Forgiveness and hurt. It’s not that I want to keep and hold on to the hurt, it’s that I want you to hurt as much as I hurt, because then you will know how much I hurt and you will care and you will not do it again. That’s what we all think anyway. It rarely works.

So people continue to hurt people. I hurt you, you hurt me. Instead, there is a better way. Forgiveness sets us free. You don’t even know I’m angry at you if you are not around me. So stress, many sicknesses caused by stress and anger, these can all be gone from us if we forgive others. If we truly let go of the pain, the hurt, the wanting to get back at them.

Hurt is unforgiveness. Release the hurt, release the unforgiveness. This means to let go of the pain, let go of the fear, let go of the anger. Let it go and get on with your life.

Read a book by John Bevere called, ‘The Bait of Satan’. or watch it here.

Graciousness – It’s Not Only A Word

Posted on February 3, 2018March 16, 2018 by Janine

There are two basic types of gracious people in the world. Those that are gracious from a kind heart and those that are gracious on the surface only.

A gracious person will see everyone as equal and treat all with kindness and respect.

I think for the most part, people put themselves and others in boxes. We should all remember, each person has giftings. Ours may not mesh with theirs and that’s ok! We’re not meant to mesh with everyone. But we should always be gracious.

Gracious means being kind and speaking thoughtful words. Graciousness is often superficial, but sometimes what is on the surface is good enough. Being gracious is being tactful, not hurtful. Being gracious means paying attention to those at a party that often feel left out. Being gracious is making eye contact with everyone in the group, not just one. Being gracious is calling a homeless person at a shelter, a guest.

Being gracious means being compassionate. It means being courteous.

A gracious person is slow to take credit and quick to lavish praise. Graciousness shows a propensity to be generous and helpful. The mark of a gracious person is how they treat someone who can be of absolutely no use to them. A gracious person asks for forgiveness if they offend another. A gracious person asks for forgiveness even when they know it wasn’t their fault.

Gracious people give; they give of themselves, their time, their smiles, approval, friendship, money, gifts, with no strings attached. They are never greedy, stingy or grabbing. You don’t have to feel like you are walking on eggshells in exchange for their favor. Gracious people think about others, what they can give, how they can help – and they do it. They listen to another speaking, not forming what they want to say in their minds.

A gracious person has warmth. They may argue, but are not out of control and they are never cold to others. The opposite of love is not hate…it is cool indifference. Gracious people never exhibit cool indifference to others.

We should treat everyone the same. Be kind, be thoughtful. Gracious words from a kind heart bring health to the body of the person speaking them.

My Road – Alone

Posted on February 2, 2018March 16, 2018 by Janine

originally published on another blog 2-1-17.

I ALWAYS felt alone. Rejected by my mother, I wasn’t the type of child she wanted. Rejected by my sister, she only wants perfect people in her life – I always felt alone. Molested by my grandfather, with no one to help because they didn’t know, I always felt alone. Full of fear and so alone.

When I became a Christian, I struggled in the Lord. OH! How I’ve struggled. I figured I wasn’t smart enough, good enough or worthwhile enough. I grew up thinking I never measured up, so how could I, as a Christian, measure up to all these things that Christians are supposed to be? I didn’t have the training others had, it seemed I just didn’t know enough or understand well enough.

I was the johnny-come-lately, the one behind the 8-ball, the outcast, the black sheep. I was the one that wasn’t wanted or loved. The one that didn’t have anyone in her corner. Or so I thought.

I have been a follower of Jesus for 38 years now. Following hard after Him for 35 yrs. It was in 2015 that I realized God loves me. That’s a long time to struggle to understand it, find it out, figure it out. It was an epiphany. I had just told my earthly Dad he can’t tell me what to do in my life or run my life or talk down to me, and all of a sudden, I realized HOW God is my Father. How LOVING God is.

I’d also had an epiphany of God loving me in 2002, going camping, late start, we set up camp in the dark, with a monsoon coming on. Woke up in the middle of the night with the foot of my sleeping bag outside the tent, where it was soaking wet. The water had wicked up the zipper, but I was dry and warm. There was damp on either side of my pillow, happy for me, when I sleep, I don’t move or move much. I had a deep fear of hypothermia at the time and I asked God to not let my head get wet. Upon awakening in the morning, both sides of my pillow were completely wet thru, but I wasn’t wet.

Getting out of the tent, we saw a wadi. A wadi is a depression in the earth that looks like where a river should go, but it’s dry in normal weather. Until monsoons hit and then it’s a torrent of rushing water. Our tent was on the EDGE of the wadi. A few more inches and we would have drowned. That’s a pretty powerful God, that can stop someone from doing something in the pitch dark, without them even knowing it.

On January 28, 2017, I had a new epiphany on prayer.

I don’t know why this happened. I don’t know what I was praying about, or thinking about, or crying to God about, but all of a sudden I knew that the reason i am getting through areas of blockages in my life NOW, is because someone prayed for me! Some of my ancestors prayed for me!

I was floored, a feeling of relief washed over me, I started crying. [cause that’s what *I* do! LOL ] The scripture that says ‘there is a great cloud of witnesses around us’ Hebrews 12:1 – took on new meaning.

SOMEONE PRAYED FOR ME! OMGOSH, I WASN’T ALONE! click on the title to listen

Someone Prayed

As yet they did not know me

But they knew the Lord

They knew they’d have descendants

They relied upon His Word

When they’d say their prayers

They’d get down upon their knees

They prayed for their descendants

And one of them was me

Without their prayers from long ago

I would not be here

I always felt so all alone

And I was full of fear

I was meant to be destroyed

by satan oh but wait!

The prayers of my ancestors

Saved me from that fate.

As I was reading Ephesians yesterday, I realized that Paul prayed for me as well! Ephesians 1:16-19; 3:15-19.

The holy and revered apostle Paul, prayed for ME! OH. MY. GOSH! It all ties in!

So you see we are not alone. We not only have a great cloud of witnesses in the spiritual world around us, we also have the prayers of our ancestors surrounding us and uplifting us!

Sometimes I still get the fear that people will think I’m just absolutely so stupid that I didn’t know all this years ago. But even in the face of that fear, I still keep writing my journal online because God told me to do so in 2003 and He hasn’t said I could quit yet. [I asked in 2016, several times] So if what I write helps even one person, the ripple effect will be huge. So I just plow thru the feelings of inferiority and spill my guts for everyone to see, because this is one of the things God has told me to do.

Just think! At some point [and I hope it’s soon!], I’m going to have confidence in myself and what I know. And won’t that be a fine day!