The Lord and I are having ‘sessions’ these days. This is where he and one of my no-longer-wounded-usually parts, talk and he teaches her. Most of the time they don’t know Jesus. It’s been a wild ride Mr. Toad. In these, Jesus is my Daddy. He’s not ‘God’, he’s my Daddy. He is giving me a story, called The Cork Road and he’s giving me lessons in and outside the story. Since no one taught me anything growing up, he is teaching all of us now. One age at a time.
Yesterday morning, 7/11/18, he was telling…let me back up a bit. I am now at 8 yrs old. We’ve been thru the other ages. Eight has proven to be extremely traumatic. I have also been at this age longer than the other ages. Eight is when everything culminated. Abandonment, neglect, all those things. I won’t bore you.
In these times with Daddy, I ask questions. There is a backstory to all this, of course, but I’m not going there now. Yesterday I was asking what worship is and if it’s better to pray out loud or in my head?
He said, “You can pray in your head. Anytime. But if you’re talking to the devil, since you have a voice, you need to use it out loud. The only way you can speak to him, is out loud. If you have a voice. If you don’t have a voice, if you are deaf, then you sign it.
Claiming my promises? Out loud. If you have a voice, it is best to do it out loud for the promises and binding and such. If you are praying in tongues? You can do that in your head or out loud, you can pray in your head or out loud.”
“THANK YOU JESUS!”
“My pleasure my girl.”
The next bit was on worship. It’s long and I won’t put it here. It’s really interesting though. He had me look up definitions and tell him what they said and what I thought they meant. So at the end of it, I asked, ‘so Daddy, what is worship?’
“What do you think it is baby girl?”
“Well Daddy, from what I read, I think worship is studying your word like we just said. And I think it’s loving on you. Telling you how wonderful you are and great you are and all that. And also being obedient. And being aware of you. That’s really hard, to be aware of you all the time. Do you know that?”
“Yes baby, I do.”
“I think worship is being mindful of you in my life and acting on that instead of..whoa! Wait a minute God! If that’s the case, then if I say something from your word, or positive, but really, from your word – when something bad happens? Then that means I’m worshiping you, right?”
“Yes baby. You have a very good mind Janine. You are a very intelligent young lady.”
[he calls me Janine when he’s talking to ALL of us] {{I get this might be weird for you, but just flow with it}}.
He called me a young lady! I’m smiling all over the place and I sat up straight.
So that was yesterday morning. Last nite/wee hours of this morning, I have a huge recollection of something. I realize that what I thought before, was me thinking thru my feelings. This remembrance gave me clarity thru my mind, not my feelings. There is a difference. With feelings, you only think it was that way, or you feel it was that way, when it may not have been. It’s kinda like perception – thru feelings. I’m pretty sure you, the reader ‘gets it’.
But this memory recollection, took me down the path of remembering a WHOLE LOT more and realizing, my memories from my feelings WERE accurate and I saw just how accurate they were.
I was sobbing. Absolutely sobbing. I was floored that not only were my feelings accurate, there was so much more and it was all accurate. I KNEW I needed to respond well from the lesson that morning.
Because I was in the middle of all these feelings, there are only so many scriptures that will come up in my memory. I was also eight years old during some of this, as well as the current age.
I gave the only scriptures I knew. I am the apple of his eye. He loves me with an unfailing love. I am the apple of his eye.
I KNEW from what he told me earlier that I needed to speak positive things from his word. Not just ‘positive things’, but from his word. And I knew I had to forgive. I did. I forgave everything of this person [my mother] that I could think of.
Today I see a deeper truth. It’s like we are all in parallel universes. If we response from our flesh, our anger, that is the devil side. If we respond with the word of God, that is the God side. IF we respond to ANYTHING in our flesh, we will walk in that universe and reap the results. If we respond from the God side, we will walk in that universe and things will be different.
I was on the precipice last nite. However as an 8 yr old, I’m more inclined to do things how Daddy says, because I’m not all tainted with the flesh yet. I spoke the word in both ages. I forgave and today…toDAY, I am slightly in shock. But if I had responded thru the flesh, I would be numb.
We all walk in parallel universes. We can choose which outcome we want in our lives.