2-4-18 3 a.m.
I am CONVICTED of my selfishness and self-absorption.
God told me to ‘use and sell flower essences’. He told me to write a book on it for people to understand it. God said ‘it’s mine and I want it back’. And I’ve been making it about me. MY fears, MY concerns, how I will look if I am wrong in the book.
God love me, I’ve rolled my eyes – more than once.
I am APPALLED at my behaviors and reactions. Thank God for His mercy and grace and PATIENCE.
This is SO not about me. It’s not about me. It’s about God. It’s about what HE wants. It’s not about whether or not I think He’s crazy for asking ME to do this. Just who do I think I am, telling God He should pick someone else? Who am I to not joyfully embrace what He told me to do? WHO AM I to think I know more or better than God? That is my biggest failing. Oh God, forgive me.
I am so…ashamed is the best word…of how I’ve acted with this and that I – who most will tell you is the least selfish person they know – I have taken pride in that. Oh God, forgive me. It doesn’t matter about others, what they think or don’t think. What matters is You and what you think and what You want.
I can not _believe_ how selfish I am! Look what the Moravians did. God, forgive me, forgive me. I repent.
I am reading “Fire On The Altar” by Frank “JJ” Di Pietro and J. D. King. What an AMAZING recount of the Moravians, John Wesley and others.